Tuesday, June 6, 2017

When a Family Member Opposes Adoption

I just recently received a following message from a couple in the process of adoption.


"Hello, My wife and I are Korean-Americans (both of us were born in the US to Korean immigrant parents) and we are in the process of adopting a child from Korea. Although initially both of my parents expressed their support of our decision to adopt, my mother has recently confessed her displeasure and discomfort with our decision. I was wondering if you had any helpful information or websites written in Korean that I could send her so she can learn about the beauty of adoption and possibly hear some testimonials from Korean adoptees living in the US. I believe she is so caught up in the stigma in Korean culture around adoption that she will miss out on the opportunity to love and embrace her grandson. Please let me know when you have a chance. Thank you, H.XXX"


I replied back to H as follows:


"Please go ahead and don't look back. Do not be swayed by your mother. You and your wife are the ones that will raise the child. You do not even need to ask for their permission. Now why do I say this?

Do we ask our parents whether we can have children or not before going to bed? They come whether we planned or not, and certainly didn't get permission from our parents to have them.

So adoption is like that. We need to treat it as another method that God allows us to have children.  Some are born by wombs, some are born by hearts.

Having one's children have never been someone else's decision, but yours only to make. So don't look back but push on.

So happy for you."


I also followed up with another message:

Another note,

"There have been several cases I know where the grandparents had lots of reservations, and when the children came home they wouldn't even glance a look.
But later on, they slowly warmed up to the children, they would use an excuse just to come and see the children.

We humans are so limited with our own understanding as to what is good for us.
It is quite normal to fear the unknowns.
When the situation is thrust upon us (as in your case to your parents), they (your parents) will accept the child and would later go crazy.

I've seen this happen time and time again.

For example, a grandfather in Korea would not even take a glance at a newly adopted child and even refused to put the child under their family registry.
But gradually his heart melted and later became the child's biggest advocate.

I'm sure it will happen to your parents as well.

Best wishes."

1 comment:

  1. Hello Mr. Steve Morrison,

    I am sorry for bothering you. First, let me introduce myself. I am Annisa from Indonesia. I study at faculty of law at University of Indonesia. Currently I am conducting a research about adoption in Indonesia and South Korea. Regarding that matter, I have several questions to be asked. I know about you from the page of Korea Adoption Services. And I think you are an expert on this matter. Do you mind if I ask you some questions about adoption via email?

    Your help will be very meaningful to me Mr. Steve. I am sorry I only could contact you through here.

    Regards,

    Annisa

    ReplyDelete